Hi Mabs
Three years ago, I bought my mom her first car for her 50th birthday. She has always been fiercely independent, raising me and my two younger siblings on her own. The car was meant to make her life easier, allowing her to get around and be self-reliant. I also took out insurance for her, which I pay every month. Recently, I found out that my mom has been letting my youngest brother, who is only 16 and doesn’t even have a learner’s licence, use the car.
I cautioned her against allowing someone underage and unlicensed to drive the car, explaining that if there’s an accident, the insurance won’t pay out. She didn’t take it well and told me I couldn’t dictate who can or cannot drive her car. I got angry and threatened to stop paying the insurance, as it seemed like a waste of money. I know the car brought her great joy, but now it has become a source of conflict, and I don’t want it to drive a wedge between us. Since it doesn’t seem like things will change, how can I ensure my brother gets his licence and is registered as a co-driver?
Mabs Answers
It’s heartwarming that you’re honouring your mom with such a thoughtful gesture. However, it’s unfortunate that this has led to tension between you. It’s important to stay calm and seek common ground. Resolving this while emotions are high may be challenging, but finding a way to address the situation calmly can help preserve and strengthen your mother-daughter relationship. Once you’re calm, sit down with your mum and brother and explain that you have their best interests at heart. Let them know that your goal is for them to enjoy the car for a longer time.
Explain to them that in South Africa, you must be 18 years or older to apply for a driver’s licence, with no exceptions. At 17, he can apply for a learner’s licence, which allows him to drive with a certified driver in the car.
Address the insurance issue by clarifying that insurance won’t cover accidents if the car is driven by someone without a licence, regardless of their age. Make it clear that you’re not targeting your brother, and if possible, offer to help him get licensed when the time comes. Navigating family dynamics can be challenging, so I wish you the very best in this situation.
