By Aurelia Mbokazi-Kashe
The festive season can be a joyous time, but for many, it also comes with stress, old family dynamics, and high expectations. Media personality and neuroscience and mental fitness coach, Liezel van der Westhuizen, knows this all too well.
She shares how she navigates December with grace, setting boundaries, regulating her nervous system, and keeping her festive spirit intact. From dealing with tricky relatives to avoiding the “perfect holiday” trap, Liezel offers practical tips to help you enjoy meaningful connections without feeling overwhelmed.
What does the festive season mean to you personally, and how have your views of family time and December expectations evolved?
The festive season used to come with a self-inflicted mandate to “do more, be more, host more.” As I’ve grown, the meaning of the season has become something far simpler and more authentic: presence. Forget the perfect table setting or the packed diary; Now I live for the moments where I actually feel connected to the people I love. I believe that’s a festive season state of being that everyone deserves!
As a mental fitness coach, I’m very aware of how expectations - even away from the professional world – shape our stress levels. I’ve learned, for example, to swap the December pressure for intentional time, slower mornings, and small rituals that make me feel grounded.
You work with the brain daily, but you’re also a public figure. How do you regulate your emotions and manage expectations during the holidays?
I use the same tools I teach my clients. Your brain reacts to pressure through signals of threat or safety, so breathwork, situational awareness, and emotional regulation in a timely manner become essential.
My go-to practices:
1.Label the emotion – this reduces amygdala activation and immediately calms the system.
2.Micro-breaks - 20 – 30 second resets to bring the nervous system down.
3.Boundaries communicated early – kindness with clarity.
So when those around you aggravate you during the holiday season, you don’t keep to a knee- jerk reaction with less than desirable tense consequences, or bottle it all up to persevere through the season; what I keep with me as tools allows me to efficiently assess, feel, acknowledge, and purposefully choose a path that works for me in a healthy way – sometimes all of this happening within a few seconds because of how finetuned my mental fitness has become.
It’s less about performing for different audiences and more about showing up as one grounded version of myself.
Many women feel the pressure to be everything to everyone in December. What’s your advice for stepping out of that “performance mode”?
First, recognise that this pressure isn’t a personal flaw – it’s conditioning. Women are often raised to be the emotional anchors, organisers, and peacekeepers. Some of my clients benefit from the simple reality check that you can choose the path that suits you best, today – even if it defies known expectations. Additionally, a powerful reset is to ask one question: “What would this look like if it didn’t need to be perfect?”
The choice you make to give yourself grace and work within your own means, personal wants, makes a world of difference to your festive season, mental fitness, and future. Set a healthy precedent you are actually excited to always follow through on! You don’t need to be the festive season’s project manager. You’re allowed to simply enjoy the moment, too (so maybe just delegate a task or 3).
When expectations become too heavy, what’s the healthiest way to address it without disappointing people?
Start with honesty, not apology. Most conflict comes from unspoken assumptions. When you express your needs & wants early, calmly, and compassionately, people usually adjust – or you have clarity on exactly where your wellbeing stands with them, and you can proceed clearly, according to what treatment you are willing to tolerate.
Use language like: “Here’s what I can offer, and here’s what I can’t manage this year.” It’s firm, gentle, and emotionally clean. Healthy boundaries shouldn’t break worthwhile relationships –they protect them.
You’ve built a new path as a Certified Neuroscience and Mental Fitness Coach. What pulled you into this work?
After years in broadcasting and endurance sports, I realised the experiences and conversations that lit me up most were the ones about resilience, behaviour, and what helps humans thrive under pressure. My active and diverse background also taught me something profound: Your mind is your greatest performance tool!
The innate curiosity I have evolved into a calling. I built further on my existing qualifications and studied Neuroscience, Mental Fitness, Positive Intelligence, and Business Coaching, and today I help leaders, sales teams, and high performers train their minds like athletes.
What keeps me passionate is, among other things, seeing people shift from burnout to clarity, from self-sabotage to confidence; It’s powerful work.
For those unfamiliar with your field, how do you explain what a neuroscience and mental fitness coach does? Who are your typical clients?
Think of me as someone who helps you upgrade your brain’s operating system. I teach you how to manage stress, regulate emotions, use your prefrontal cortex more effectively, and build habits that support long-term performance.
My clients include entrepreneurs, athletes, women navigating high-pressure careers. They reach out when they are overwhelmed, stuck, or performing well but struggling to sustain it. Mental fitness helps you build a more resilient, focused, emotionally intelligent version of yourself.
What does your ideal Christmas or festive break look like? How do you unwind and protect your peace?
Quiet mornings. Long walks with my dogs. No alarm clocks. A house that’s calm rather than curated. I keep the season simple: slow meals, ocean time, gentle training sessions, and at least one full day with no plans (except perhaps binge-watching Brooklyn 99 again).
Quiet moments for resets are something I schedule with intention - not something I hope will appear. The reason most people experience burnout, especially around the holiday period, is that they are waiting for someone or something externally to give them permission to take a break. Caring about yourself with the same intention you do your loved ones, should mean making the time & space for resetting.
Your favourite holiday destination in South Africa – where do you go when December gets too loud?
Port Alfred. It’s my reset button. Wide beaches, warm hospitality, sun-kissed, and with a slower rhythm… everything my nervous system craves after a busy year. It’s the kind of place where you can breathe deeper, walk longer, and remember who you are outside of the noise – definitely my recommendation for anyone looking to adjust
