Dear Mabs
I am a married mom of three children. In December 2021, shortly after Covid-19, my family went on a much-needed holiday to the Western Cape. Following the long lockdown, we decided to drive as a family instead of flying from Johannesburg. Our trip ended tragically with a fatal road accident while we were still on our way. My husband fatally hit two pedestrians on the N1 freeway in Laingsburg. Our youngest baby, and only son, was brain damaged from the accident. On impact, he flew out of my arms flung on the car’s pillar, and hit his head. I had removed him from his seat to comfort him.
Although he was not charged for the accident as the pedestrians were found to have been drunk, my husband never stopped blaming himself. He began drinking heavily. Once drunk, which is often, he calls himself a killer and sobs in front of our children. We’ve been going for therapy as a family, but he just can’t get it out of his head and heal.
His behavior also changed drastically. He refuses to be in the same car as us, his family. He prefers solo trips or getaways with his friends.
Our therapist proposed that we go on holiday as a family this year. I booked us a short trip to Bela-Bela months ago so we can celebrate New Year. This will also allow him to take baby steps in confronting his anxiety on the road. He has been avoiding discussing the trip for months. Now that we are meant to go, he has come up with an excuse for us to go without him. I have been very supportive and patient with him, but I cannot take this anymore. I feel that he is making excuses. He may have been driving, but we were all in the accident, and not once did we blame him even though he was speeding excessively. I want our lives back and I’m afraid that this will break us as a family because his behaviour has become unbearable. I understand that this is a time when more accidents happen on our roads, but he needs to snap out of it before he loses his family.
Mabs Answers
I’m sorry to hear about your tragic accident and my condolences to the families that lost their loved ones.
During December holidays many lives are indeed lost, sadly it is mostly pedestrians who perish. I cannot begin to imagine the guilt your husband must be going through right now. He is still traumatised by what happened. While a professional therapist advised you to take this road trip, it is a trigger hence he is coming up with excuses for not joining you. I am not a trained therapist, and I cannot advise you on how long it will take for him to ‘snap out of it’ and can only ask you to be as patient as possible with him and continue with your sessions. However, I can only advise on the road accidents during this time and some of the causes.
The high rate of accidents on South African roads can be attributed to multiple factors. These include poor road infrastructure, driver disregard for traffic laws, lack of driver education and training, and the sheer amount of traffic on the roads. Even though there are campaigns aimed at road safety, those have proven not to work. There needs to be a concerted effort by law enforcement agencies, government, and road safety authorities to reduce the rate of accidents on South African roads by improving infrastructure, enforcing traffic laws, providing better driver education and training, and raising awareness amongst drivers on road safety.
However, we cannot excuse the human element in South Africa’s appalling road safety. Stats after stats reveal that drivers are mostly to blame for the road carnage that is grappling SA. Pedestrians are also contributing to this problem.
Disregard for rules:
Many drivers fail to follow basic road safety guidelines, such as wearing seatbelts, obeying traffic signals, and respecting speed limits. Some drivers choose to drink and drive, putting themselves and others in danger.
Road congestion:
The high rate of accidents on SA roads can be linked to the overwhelming amount of traffic on these roads. With the increase in motor vehicle ownership and a growing population, our roads have become congested, making drivers more impatient and aggressive. This, coupled with the lack of discipline, leads to a high rate of accidents.
Lack of proper driver training:
Another contributing factor to the high rate of accidents on South African roads is the lack of driver education and training. Many drivers in South Africa receive their driver’s licenses without adequate education and training and as a result, do not have the required knowledge and practical experience to drive safely on roads.
When you get on the road this festive season, or any other time, think of fellow road users as humans who also have families and loved ones. Drive and use the roads with some human decency and place value on human lives by observing road rules, driving carefully and safely.
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